Seating an ex at a wedding

Start by being honest about the situation, not the worst case. Most exes need only one thing: not to be at the same table. They can share a room, a dance floor and a buffet line perfectly well. A few need more, like a table on the other side of the room or at least not facing each other.

If you are not sure, ask the person closer to you. "Is it fine if you are at a different table from Felix, or would you like more space than that?" is a kind question, and the answer settles it.

The best protection is a good table. An ex who is sitting with close friends is having a nice evening, and is not scanning the room. So put each of them with the people they came with or know best.

In our chart, Felix sits with his wife, because they were pasted on one line and a household always sits together. Marnie sits with her three college friends, because they share a tag. Neither of them is stuck at a table of strangers with nothing to do but notice the other.

In Tablecharm you add a rule by tapping two guests and choosing Keep apart. Then you pick how firm it is: "Absolutely must" or "If possible". For an ex, choose "Absolutely must". The solver treats that as a hard limit and never seats the two together.

The rule covers only the two people you name, not their partners or friends, which is usually what you want. If a hard rule ever cannot hold, for example because every table with room is already the other person's table, Tablecharm says which rule and why instead of quietly breaking it.

Different tables are enough for most people. When they are not, think about what each person sees. Two tables in the same row can be fine; two tables facing each other across a small room may not be.

The solver assigns tables, not positions in the room, so this part is yours. Look at the floor plan after the solve. If Felix and Marnie ended up side by side, lock the tables you like and drag one of them to a table further away; the move becomes a pin that the next solve keeps. In our chart their tables are in different rows, one to the right and one to the left, and that was enough.

Seating charts change right up to the last week. The value of writing the rule down is that it survives those changes. Every solve after the first in Tablecharm moves as few guests as it can and still honors every hard rule, so adding a late plus-one or removing a decline does not accidentally put the two exes together.

If you print a by-table poster, remember that both of them will read it. A calm, even layout helps. There is more on that in the alphabetical or by table guide.